How can I cope?
by Cheese Assassin
Summary: The war is over, but Ghastly is dead and Ravel a traitor and in all of this one person is suffering the most; Dexter. Hiding away in his house, depressed and lost, his psychiatrist Jennifer is trying to help but will he accept it? Secrets, anger and guilt building up inside him Dexter can't cope and he ends up in a place darker than he could possibly imagine.


**A/N Hi everyone! So here's an idea I had kicking around, and here it finally is. I would really appreciate it if you could give it a read and tell me what you think :) So basically there is a few things you need to know before reading this; it's set after LSODM so obviously there is spoilers, so read no further if you haven't read it. If you have continue :) Basically, Darquesse hasn't taken over Valkyrie so Skul and her are still around and will come into the story a bit later on. This is from Dexter's point of view and as you'll find out Ghastly's death has really hit him hard! Also, Jennifer is a psychiatrist and my own character. So without further ado, here is the story!**

I finally manage to roll out of bed. I glance at the clock as I run a hand through my unruly hair; 8.55am. The appointment was at nine; I grab a shirt from my wardrobe and pull on a pair of jeans before running to the bathroom.

Cleaning my teeth, I looked in the mirror groaning at the bags under my eyes. Jennifer was not going to be impressed. Sighing and running down the stairs, I grab my wallet checking I had a few twenties in it. It was going to be one hell of a day.

XXX

"I overslept" I muttered looking out of the window, I had my hands in my lap they were shaking badly, I hope she didn't notice. "Dexter oversleeping isn't an excuse to be late for your appointment with me." Jennifer reprimanded. "Half an hour of my day has been wasted sitting around waiting for you" I rolled my eyes "You could have got on with paperwork" I was still muttering. She slammed her hand onto the desk "For God's sake Dexter, I'm a patient woman and I'm trying to bloody help you but you've got to give me something back." I lean back in my chair taking on a cocky attitude "I never asked come here _doctor, _I don't need help" She let out a long shaky breath standing up and walking to the window "Dexter tell me when was the last time you saw your friends? When was the last time you saw _Skulduggery?" _I scowled "It's been a while" I replied coolly, she turned her head arching an eyebrow at me "A while? It has been over a year since you left the house to do anything but supermarket shopping and coming here! Come over here look outside, everyone outside doing _something _while you sit on your arse all day." I let out an angry snarl "I do not 'sit on my arse all day' as you put it" I snap looking her straight in the eye. She smirks "Well that's not what everyone else thinks" her tone is light but the words cut through me "They're all idiots," I state stubbornly. She's raising an eyebrow again "Oh really? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but if I'm not very much mistaken they are the ones fighting through the pain, trying to live again and not cooping themselves up in the same place feeling sorry for themselves. So if my calculations are correct _you _are the idiot." She crosses her arms over her chest looking down her eyes wide with frustration but I could still see a flicker of pity. I don't want pity. I _don't _deserve pity. "Dex, what would Ghastly want you to do?" she whispers. My fists clench up at the mention of his name and finally the anger I've been holding up for so long explodes. "WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT GHASTLY THINKS? GHASTLY IS DEAD!" I bellow standing up. Jennifer takes a step back breathing deeply; "It matters because Ghastly wouldn't want you to be like this. It matters because he's not really gone; he's still here. He will always be right here" She sooths leaning over the desk and pressing her hand against my chest, above my heart. I take a step back "Don't. Touch. Me." I say through clenched teeth; she raises her arms in surrender "Okay Dex sorry" I walk over to the window looking outside; on the street a couple of kids were laughing as a man chased them "Daddy, Daddy" the girl squealed as the man picked her up and held her upside down. A pang ran through my chest "Ghastly always wanted children" I whispered softly. I turned to look at Jennifer; she looked surprised. "Tell me about him" she replied softly. I sighed.

"Everyone was scared of him; I remember people used to purposely walk on the other side of the street to avoid him. Mothers wrapped their arms around their children protectively when they saw him as if he might harm them. It was ridiculous. He'd always laugh at people's reaction but it was a cover; it really upset him. No one truly understood him; he was such a complicated man but such a good man.

One night I was camping round his place after a night drinking and he wasn't in his bed. I was worried he'd drunk a lot more than me and I didn't want him to fall so I went looking. He was in the kitchen holding a vegetable knife to his wrist

"Ghastly" I exclaimed shocked "What the hell are you doing?" He was drunk, out of his mind. "Dexterrrrr" He slurred looking up at me "Come to watch the showww?" his wrist shook as he ran it across his wrist, blood bubbling up through the cut "Ghastly put the knife down" I said firmly, he shook his head "No, whatsh the point? I don't wanna live anymorrrr, I have nothing to live for" he sliced the knife across his wrist again "No" I said more loudly "Stop it, you're drunk, you don't mean this" I leant over the table trying to take the knife off him. "NO!" He screamed, "I mean it, I don't want to live anymorrrr, I don't deserve to. You shee the way people look at me, the way people avoid me. I hide out here, away from society to numb the pain but it never truly goes away. The way kids looks scared when I come near them, do you know what that doesh to me Dex? Its cutsh me up inshide. You know I've alwaysh wanted children but I'd be a rubbish father. You know only now do I have the confidence to end it all; only now I'm intoxicated can I actually end it becaush truth be told I'm a coward. Like all bad men I'm a coward" he looked up at me the knife running over his wrists again. I couldn't bear it "No Ghastly, you're a good man, a very good man," I whispered leaning over prising the knife from him. He looked at me defeat in his eyes, crying. "Why bother?" he asked me collapsing on the table unconscious. I cleaned him up, we never mentioned that night but somehow we were closer, I had seen a little bit of him that no one else had. Now, now, he's dead gone forever. Can you blame me for blaming myself?"

I looked up at her, blinking away the tears in my eyes. She looked pained and broken "It's not your fault Dex. None of it; not what Ghastly went through or what happened to him; it's not your fault. Learn from his mistakes Dexter, don't end up like him, he wouldn't want that." She smiled sympathetically and I looked at her my mind frozen in place. Slowly I lifted my arms up letting my shirtsleeves fall to my elbows and showing her my wrists. "I think it's too late"

**Thanks guys, what do you think? Trying to think of a better title so if you can think of anything I would love to hear it! Hope to upload the next chapter within the month :) Drop me a review or PM with any ideas or side stories you want included, until then see ya :D**


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